Ferrari Toy Car

In as much as I would like to maintain my blog angst-free for the sake of my little tyke who is innocent and almost never-knowing of what is it like to be enslaved in another country, I cannot help it.  A mother and a writer for this matter should above all be transparent to be effective in getting her points made.  Life is not always a bed of roses.  There are some harsh realities I wish I could always shield my son from, but would want to liberate him from also.  Strip off the ignorance, unmask the understanding adult within and let the truth set both of my son and I free.

I am dying to get that red Ferrari toy car for that would surely connect me again to him.

Yeah, kids forget.  They really tend to forget someone no matter how strong their bond with that someone is. Time and space is, well, the culprit.  I thought I would never fall victim to homesickness.  I am very used to being away from the family for I spent all my college life boarding in the district center living the life of my own.  I can manage being away from my family; manage having no sight of my son.  Or so I thought.

Homesickness is seething.  Now every minute, every second I miss them.  I feel like spending the costly phone credit just to talk to my family.  I want to hear my son’s voice all the time.  I don’t know how his face looks like now, or how tall he has grown.  I don’t know the trivial stories he has to tell me.  I don’t even know his best friend in school, or how his birthday celebration went.  First time he spent his birthday without me. How I wish I knew every detail.

My son refuses to talk to me on the phone, so I thought of a clever plan just to lure him into talking to me…

”Son, what would you like to have?” I asked.

"Ferrari toy car, the red one,” he replied in a jest.

Then he stopped talking to me again.  So heartbreaking.  I used to remember my son through Eminem’s Mockingbird.  Now, I sing it more often.

Yeah, I know sometimes things may not always make sense to you right now. But hey, what’d mumma always tell you?  Straighten up little soldier.
Stiffen up that upper lip. What you crying about?  You got me.Stan, I know you miss your mum and I know you miss your dad,
I’m gone because I’m tryin’ to give you the life that I have had
I can see you sad even when you smile, even when you laugh.
I can see it in your eyes, deep inside you wanna cry. ‘Cause you’re scared that I ain’t there.
Mumma’s with you in my prayers. No more cyrin’, wipe them tears
Mumma’s here, no more nightmares.  We gon’ pull together through it, we gon’ do it .When it spins when it swirls. 
Mumma doesn’t want you to see, but you see just as much as she did.
We did not plan it to be this way, your father and I. But things have got so bad between us. I don’t see us ever bein’ together ever again.
But then of course everything always happens for a reason. I guess it was never meant to be, but it’s just somethin’ we have no control over and that’s what destiny is. Well no more worries rest your head and go to sleep.
Maybe one day we’ll wake up, and this will all just be a dream.

Now hush little baby, don’t you cry, everything’s gonna be alright. 
I wish mumma’s there to hold ya through the night.
I know mumma’s not there right now and we know why.
It may seem a little crazy, pretty baby, but I promise mumma’s gonna be alright .And if you ask me to, mumma’s gonna buy you a Mockingbird.
I’ma give you the world. I’ma buy a diamond ring for you, I’ma sing for you.
I’ll do anything for you to see you smile.

I promise…

Mumma’s going to get you that Ferrari toy car no matter what it takes.

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(First posted on 22 January 2010 in another site, and with a total view of 18,691 till date of re-posting.)